Monday, January 24, 2011

let's get real for a minute:

  Tears in the Typing Pool Cover by babyalpaca


I began smoking cigarettes at age 17, shortly after the tragic loss of my Uncle, Chad. He was more than just my uncle, he was more like a brother to me--seeing as we were only 8 years apart & raised together.
He was only 25.

 I remembered him smoking those Camel Twist : Citrus cigarettes, so to feel in a way, closer to him, I took my first breath of smoke.

I think because of the emotional and stressful factors of how I even came to begin smoking that is what I clung to for so long. In my mind , it never healed or erased the stress/pain, but instead was just a habit of nervousness, stress, socially or plain ole boredom.

Before then, I was the biggest walking-talking anti-smoking ad campaign you've ever seen.
(Or heard for that matter)

After 6 years of smoking, (YES, SIX WHOLE YEARS) I woke up one day late last summer and realized
 I just didn't care for it anymore.

Now, let's take a moment to reflect on how many times prior to last summer that I had attempted to quit smoking.

(too many to count)

The main one, was almost 2-3 years ago, on my fathers birthday, when he said to me, " Jessica, all I want this year is for you to quit smoking."

That's it. A fathers simple request.

I had every intention of charging ahead, and really truly quitting.
After 2 months, I was back at it.

Cigarettes contain:
    Cyanide (deadly poison)
    Formaldehyde (preserves organs and tissues taken from humans and animals)
    Methanol (wood alcohol)
    Acetylene (fuel used in torches)
    Ammonia (household cleaning product)
    Acetone (fingernail polish remover)
    Poisonous gases: Nitrogen oxide and carbon monoxide

 For 8 months now, I haven't bought a single pack of cigarettes. [yay!]

I'm still mastering (and getting much better at) resisting puffs
 every now and then--usually only when in a social setting. 
It's a work in progress. I can't even believe how much I used to smoke!!

It's getting easier and easier. And honestly: out of sight, out of mind. I am never around it anymore. 
If I am in a smokey bar, I'm trying to escape the smoke, not help create it, for the most part.

All this to just say, what people do is a choice. And your own choice at that.

I simply couldn't even look at my nephew and think that what I was doing could potentially prevent me from seeing him grow up. As silly as that may sound, even though he is not my own, that broke my heart to think about.

Or that the fact that my family was aching for me to quit, but never judged me for it.

And especially since Josh doesn't smoke. I hated the thought of smoking around him and exposing him to my second hand smoke! Let alone the fact he was kissing an ashtray for the first year of our relationship!

With all these factors, they may have helped, a little.

I always knew I'd quit by just waking up one day , saying okay, well that was nice & all, but I'm tired of it.
And I guess in a nutshell, that's exactly what happened.

I have felt better than I ever remembered feeling! And I always wondered if what they said about your senses returning, even more heightened--
I can taste SO MUCH BETTER! I can smell smoke from a mile away.

OH! and the money I've saved!! 
I started wondering how I was able to save & spend a little more on that new pair of sunglasses, or take a trip or two...because I wasn't blowing it on cigarettes every other day!


I really do worry about my friends and certain family members that continue to smoke. 
But I know it just takes time & your own willingness. 

As for me:

It has been by far the best decision I've ever made.


Simon and Ruby said...

Love it! I am so proud of you for your decision.

Anonymous said...

All I can say is: thank you, I am so proud of you and I love you!

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